


He'll Never Know

by orphan_account



Category: Castle (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:04:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little angsty one-shot about how Esposito's feelings at Ryan's wedding</p>
            </blockquote>





	He'll Never Know

Standing up front, Lanie at my side, I can see the tears on his face. See how happy he is. He's practically radiating joy. He is my light, my conscience, the chink in my hard cop armor. Jenny looks the same, joy written all over her. She loves him. I would hate her if she didn't make him so happy. He starts saying his vows, and   
I can't help it. Can't help the hurt, the pain. His happiest day, and I feel horrible.

With the case, the discoveries, I could forget it. Distract myself in my work. I watched Castle and Beckett do their little dance,completely oblivious as always. I would push them more if I didn't see the similarities. Its only now I realize that the sorority sisters, the fight for dates was a distraction, to keep the thoughts away. Anything to keep the realization away. I glance at Lanie, tears running down her face. She’s beautiful. It used to be enough. The banter at the door had reminded me just how much I missed her. We laugh together. But its not enough. It’s not what I want. No, it's not what I need.

Before I know it, the ceremony’s over. I clap, but mt smile feels forced. No one notices that my tears aren't from happiness. I wish they were. “Oh, Javi”, says Lanie, laughing at me. “You really are a softie on the inside, right?” I only now realize people are staring at me playfully, a grown man all choked up. I look at them, her leaning on his arm, him leaning down to kiss her. I force a smile. “You know me”, I tease.

The happy couple walks away, taking half my heart with them. I promise myself that he'll never know.

. . .  
He's laughing at something Lanie said, and she's hitting him playfully. He actually looks happy with her. Jenny smiles up at me, practically glowing with happiness. I glance back once. I promise myself, for him, for her, and for me. He'll never know.


End file.
